Hello!
It's been such a long time i didn't write in this blog. To be honest i lost my desire to write in this blog and i didn't have something so special or big to be written here because my life is so plain and basic, everything goes so flat until the thing that i wanna share with you right now.
(WARNING: This is such a long post and you will get bored so prepare your food, beverages, pillows and music. Thank you.)
So last March, i still remember it was Thursday. We were studying in one afternoon until some people and my english teacher came to our class. They introduced theirself as the people who provide this student exchange program, by City College Plymouth (CCP). There were two ladies and the one explained us about this studex program which will be held in UK. I don't remember exactly what they said but at the time i was so excited and i really wanted to join this program. Though i know that i won't pass it, but what's the harm to try? She said there will be three tests to complete all of the rules so you can join the program. I wanted to go for the first test, but still i'm not really sure at that time. I tried so persuade my friend to go but they weren't interested since the tests aren't only be held in Medan, but all over the Indonesia which made them like, hopeless maybe? I told my mom immediately when she picked me up and she was like, "Well, that's good though, you can join the test if you want," and i was so happy at that time and believe me, after those people came to my class i happened to imagine myself living in UK and stuffs, you know what i mean, right? Just wondering myself living with my host family, getting new friends, etc and just by imagining it it increases my eagerness to join this program.
Few days after that, me and some of my classmates were chosen to be the part of the program due our score in english's subject are good. I was so happy because i could join this automatically without doing anything. It feels like i was made to join this (yes i know i was too overact). The teacher told us that we will be in training for one week. In that time, there was one young man who teaches us. Day one, he gave us some questions in papers and he gave us one hour to solve all of that and after we done we will discuss it. On the day three he gave us a listening test, he played a recording and we should listen it carefully to answer the questions that were in the paper. Later on, i realized that he taught us how to prepare for IELTS Exam, so i though the first test on the studex program will be an IELTS Exam. My teacher reminded us that the first test will be held in the first week of April. After we finished the training, well i didn't study properly for the test though. Sometimes i did some research about UK but it wasn't that much. Later in one afternoon, on April 5th (wow i still remember it) my another english teacher came to our class and announced that our first test will be held in April 6th, which is TOMORROW. I got so panicked and scared and nervous because i haven't prepared anything properly especially in my listening because i got trouble doing it. I was looking for IELTS listening tests immediately on Youtube on that day, which was so unprepared and trust me it was so hard focusing on what the speaker said because my class was in such a messy situation and i should increased my volume at the highest level so i could hear the speaker clearly.
When i got home, around 7 in the evening i practiced myself by doing the listening tests from Youtube twice, and honestly i impressed with myself because i've done four listening tests in one day lol. I don't know but time has gone too fast so i think it was enough for the listening because i didn't have that much time to do it again (although i wanna do it because i just want everything prepared well) also i haven't study about another topics. For your information, in IELTS exam there will be four tests, there are listening, reading, writing and speaking. I just read my previous questions that the teacher gave during the training week but i just read one paper because if i read all of the paper it will waste my time. Also i googled things about UK, like the independence day, the government, the anthem, the capital city, the regions, you know those common thing. I even tried to memorize the kings and queens but it was too much and i honestly think at the first time that i can't do it though. The point is, i studied throughout the night for each IELTS tests until i get so sleepy and maybe it's almost 11 pm, But still i think i haven't study that well because my knowledges about UK were too basic but, yeah i want to sleep so badly at that time so i stopped myself.
The next day, i was so freaking nervous. And scared. And panic. I really want to passed this test so much and i have never feel myself want something so badly like this. Seriously, those were the one of my most emotional moments though, where all of your emotions being mixed and you seriously don't know what happen. I'm scared that i will not do the test properly. What if the speaker that we use isn't that good so we can''t hear what the speaker said on the listening clearly. What if i run out of time in my reading test. What if i get a complicated topics on my writing. you know such as politics or something heavy. What if i can't answer the question properly in my speaking tests, what if she/he ask me some difficult questions, what if i have no idea what will i say to him/her, what if she/he being so terrifying and cold that give me a tremble so i'm out of words, and the others 'what if' spinning on my brain. My heard beated so fast and seriously i have never been this situation where i getting nervous so badly. The test starts at 9 am but you know, being on time is an impossible thing in Indonesia so we started it maybe around 9.30.
I chose to seat at the front so i can hear the sound on the speaker clearly. My teacher divided us into two class because there are around 46 or else of us. I was in the language's laboratory which made me happy because i prefer this class rather than the consultation class where the other students placed. I tried to calm myself and pray a lot inside my heart. Based on my researched, the IELTS Exam commonly starts with the listening test first, so i confused when the same ladies who came to my class in the first time they explained this gave all of us a questions paper. After that, she explained that there will be three sections on the question's paper. The first sections consist thirty questions and the second sections too. The third section is a writing test, so there were three topics and we chose one of them and made our essay from that with a minimum 200-250 words if i'm not mistaken. They gave us thirty mins or an hour (i forgot pardon me okay) to do the first and second section. So the total questions are sixty and all of them are choice questions. I was so surprised yet so confused because, i though this is an IELTS Exam right? Well i'm grateful though because there will be a bigger chance for me to passed this test. Oh oh, there was an accident ladies and gentlemen. Before the exam starts, Miss L ( the lady who came to our class at the first time but i won't say her name here) told us to fill our choices (A, B, C, D, E) with a pen. When i solve the questions, i simply just crossed my choice in the questions sheets so after i finish all of them i'll transfer it to the answer sheets. When i was done and want to transfer it, i get a bit confused because the instruction that written on the answer sheets is use your pencil to fill the questions. I was so confused seriously and but i'm too scared to ask my friends so i decided to use my pencil. Time goes, and when the time only 5 minutes left the lady said, "Don't forget to fill the question with a pen," and i was like, ARE YOU SERIOUS? I cursed under my breath because i've fill like fifty questions with pencil. I was such in hurry situation i was so panic so i simply just scratch my pen above the pencil without erasing it and it was so messy, i just though 'at least there are the pen scratch in the questions, even though it didn't cover all of the pencil one properly.' Seriously, i felt so dumb and blaming myself for acting so stupid. I was one of the person who gave my paper sheets in the last time so i though, oh my god what if i failed this test because of the stupid action of mine, ugh.
I worried a lot about this because i know i have a big chance to passed this test but, seriously i'm so idiot on that time. What if the computer scanner can't read my answers because it's overwritten improperly? I seriously regretting myself so much until in one Saturday, few weeks later. There was an announcement from the speaker that are available on each class. It said the students who join the student exchange program should all be gathered at the language's laboratory. Me and my friends went to the lab and there was my english teacher. He told us the students who passed the first tests, and thanks God, I PASSED! At first i got so nervous (again) before he show us the document where the name of students who passed or failed being shown in the projector screen, but when i saw my name there i was soooo happy! I was so overjoyed and try to keep calm because i didn't wanna embarrassed myself. Each students who passed being given a letter to give to the parents, and when i got mine i was so grateful. My teacher also said the second tests will be held in the next Thursday (i don't remember exactly the date is) so be prepared, because it will be a group discussion test where all of us being divided into groups and maybe we will be given a topic to be discuss.
Afterwards, on the next Wednesday i think, the students who passed being gathered again on the laboratory and my english teacher told us to be prepared for the next test, which held on the Thursday. I came late so i didn't know the information he said that much but the test will be a group discussion (like i mentioned) and he told us to do search about UK. After i got home, i studied again but i was confused in that time, because i don't know what should i study. I just googled things about UK more specific and i practice my speaking skill (which i think far from the average). I got so nervous again the next day,but i tried to calm myself. Inhaled, exhaled. After we all being gathered on the lab, Miss L and her other friend (i think her name is Miss E but i don't think so) explained to us what's PDVL (the name of this studex program) and CCP (name of school that we are going to go) through the projector. She explained it in detail, well i won't mention it here because it was too many. She told us to listen it carefully because in the group discussion she'll ask it. I (again) being panic and i wrote important things she said in my phone and i was in shaking mode again because i was too afraid what if i don't know all of the things she said when she asked me? She gave us some questions at one point and whoever answer it even it's wrong we'll get a point. I wanted to but seriously i don't know what should i say. The question is, why in the UK the chance to be in the faculty of medicine, dental, and veterinarian are so small? I mean, they only provide some chairs and she said they only provides three or four chairs, i don't know exactly but it was less than five. I was out of my mind and i don't know what should i say, so i just shut myself. Some of my friends answer it and though they were wrong but still Miss L asked them what's their name and the other lady wrote it down on her notes so i think those names will be the one who passed this test. I'm so disappointed with myself for being so stupid but what can i do? I was seriously out of words.
After that session done, the real group discussion getting started. I was in the group one. They were four groups. So, the task is; group one as a school sides, group two as the students, three as the government and the group four as the parents. So Miss L gave a question to be discussed, what are the benefits and disadvantages about the student exchange program toward each sides? I mean, the benefits and disadvantages for the school, for the students, and the other as well. We were given around five mins i think to discuss it and after the time is up, the speaker of each groups will explain the result of the discussion to the others. I didn't know that much the people on my group, i just know their name and i tried not to be a passive there because if yes i won't get the point that much. I tried to be active though my action is useless because i honestly didn't say anything. I was just like, "hmmm","yeah that's good,","well...,", something like that just to include myself into the discussion because i'm nowhere there, they were like discuss it to the people they knew and i don't know them so they don't know me and i was like, out of the group. Besides, i sit a bit far from them so i can't hear them clearly but hey, you're not the one who passed this test, right? I just show my interest as much as i can and respond them though what i said was so unimportant. Well, at least i tried, huh?
When the time is up, Miss L told the students sides to speak up first. They were some rules tho, we should answer the questions (benefits and disadvantages) directly, don't messed out the line and we should make the conclusion after that. We were given two minutes to talk about it. It was a girl and she explained it, bla bla bla, and she messed up a bit and out of words so their other friends demanded another boy who still in the same group and then he stood up. He spoke a bit but he out of words again until the time is up. It was a such a tense situation, though. After that, Miss L told us for the next and these two boys from our group stood up. Well, i was kinda impressed with them because they explained so smoothly and the first speaker talked as he was the actual school's principal because his voice was so heavy, as if he's the real school's principal. The second speaker messed up a bit but it was okay because he could continue it. After they finished it, Miss L said that we haven't claimed our conclusion and also she wasn't satisfied with us and the students side, so she stated that we should repeat it again.
I was like, well, surprised. I thought they were doing a good job but she thought the otherwise so i was scared a little. After that, she said our group so first and we only use one speaker because it's more effective and didn't waste the time. So yeah, our speaker stood up and explained it nicely, and after he done Miss L was like, "yeah, yeah, like that! I like it," and i was kinda proud though it's not me who are the speaker lol. So it goes on after the four groups had stood up. The next session is, we should give the other groups questions, but anyone could ask it. But remember the questions should be relevant about the student exchange program. Also the point is for the one who ask of the one who answer it, not for the group. So it's a individual score.
After a while, the session started. I forget who are the one who gave the question first but seriously, i was so amazed and also disappointed. I was so amazed and impressed to my friends who ask and answer the questions because, their English are so good. I mean, they said it fluently, though some people troubled a bit but still, i was so impressed. Because some of those people are the one who i think aren't that good in English, okay i know i sound so arrogant and i can't deny it though. I thought their English aren't as good as mine but, wow, they just explained it so smoothly and brilliant, and to be honest i can't do that. I was like, oh my god sarah you are nothing to be compared by them. I thought my speaking skills isn't that bad but when i saw them i felt like a tiny dust who flew around them. I am nothing, even i have no courage to stand up there and speak in front of them. I felt so stupid and dumb and idiot to underestimate people who actually is more capable than me. I was a literal fool. It gave me a lesson though, for not being satisfied about yourself because there are plenty people out there who are more than you. I liked to compared myself to others, whether if i was better or worse than them, without noticing it. But this thing has hit me in the head that i shouldn't be such an arrogant who think that i am better than the other people. After i thought it in a while i just realized that i used to do it continuously without me even realized it. This is such a bad trait of mine but i'm happy i've know this so i won't do this anymore. Never, ever, ever.
I shut myself throughout this session. I was too amazed and too dumb to ask a question. I just watched them seriously and still i'm so amazed. I really wanna ask a question but my brain wasn't working well in that time, my brain felt empty because i don't know what should i do. So until this session is over and we could come home, i still feel so dumbfounded. I felt myself i have no emotion at all because after i stepped outside the class i just walked silently with empty mind. I just realized i am such a foolish girl in the world. I came home still in no emotion at all and that night before i sleep, i cried. I cried because how dumb i am and i'm very disappointed to myself because i know i can't passed this test. I realized that i actually isn't that good in speaking English so i can't and i'm not deserved to passed this but, i want. I just really want myself to passed it. After all these years i haven't wanting things these much. I really, really, really, really, really want to passed the test. I don't know how to explain in in words but seriously this is the first time i have ever feel such a hard feeling. You know, when you want something really bad but at the same time you know you can't have it and you feel so devastated. It may seem simple and maybe you think that i'm too overact but this situation is too hard for me. I don't know since when but i just wish myself that i cold passed the tests and go to UK.
Weeks later, i finally calmed down myself and i just gave everything to God. He's the one who arrange everything including my life so i think if i'm not passed the test, maybe it's better for me to not go there and study in the UK it's not my path. Maybe He'll gave me another wonderful thing to do do in my future. Anyway, in the second test Miss L gave each other of us a statement letter where there's a form to be filled by our parents. It should be sent no later than Monday (April 22th, if i'm not mistaken). I've sent mine and few days later, my parents got a message from the PDVL that they were invited to be in an interview on Thursday, April 27th. I was so excited because i still remember Miss L said, if you get a message from us it means that you passed the second test and you'll have to do the third tests which is an interview. So if my parents got the message, it means that i PASSED the test, right? I was in full of joy and i can't help myself for not being too happy. This is such an overwhelming news because i still remember those time were i was so hopeless but thanks God had answer my prays.
I prepared myself for this interview, i was so nervous though, because i will be speaking in front of Miss L (who is the interviewer) and i was so scared i will get into trouble again. I searched on google that the most common thing that usually being asked is telling them about yourself. So i wrote a note in my phone about myself, i describe my family and the other but still it's not satisfied me that much because i'm afraid that i couldn't answer the question. Fyi, i wrote that note on the way i came to the PDVL office where the interview be held, because in that time i was having a daily exam so i have no time to write it the other night. I get so nervous, so scared, so trembled, so anxious, so confused, i don't know how i could explain it but this is the first time i've ever feel such a massive nervous grow inside me. Plus i was terrified that i could come late because our time schedule is on 4.30 pm but we got stuck in traffic jam so we arrived there around 4.35. I know it doesn't make a lot of trouble but i want them to see myself as a good candidate and i don't wanna make myself looking bad by come late in front of them. As i arrived there my nervous got into a new big level which is so stressed and i keep pray to God inside the lift that brought us. After we arrived to the office, a woman there provides us to sit in the sofa. I sat there, feeling so anxious and i keep staring at the note that i wrote on my phone. I was a bit relax after i waited for a couple minutes and got bored because it makes my anxiety fader. At this point i just pray to God that whatever i do next in the room, i wish i won't regret it and i will try my best to answer the questions. I keep pray and pray until my name be called. She led us into a room and during that i was like, "Okay, Sarah, this is it. You should do your best and don't make yourself regret it in the future." I tried to strengthen myself though those feeling still be there. When i came there, Miss L has sat there with her smile and she told me and both of my parents to have a seat. I gave her my smile, and seriously i don't know how to explain what i feel. It was one of the strongest feeling i have ever had. She asked me, "Are you ready?", and with a small smile which i think still can't hide my nervous, i nodded my head.
She started with a question about myself. I tried to explain it slowly, but sure. I was so grateful because i have wrote the note in my phone so i know what should i say to her. When i almost reach the end of my speech, i suddenly forget what should i say. She asked me is there anything that i wanna say again, but because i'm out of words i simply just shake my head.
The interview goes fluently, i was surprised with myself what i could answer her question. Well, it's not that hard though. Although i messed up a bit. In one question, she asked me what's my least favorite subject and i said physics. She said that physics is one of the subject that i'll learn a lot there so how can you handle this? I already have the answer inside my head but i don't know my brain stopped working. My words were disordered and i kept saying the same sentences and i stopped a little longer and finally i could reach my voice again and finished my words. She gave a small smile and i was like, oh my god thank you. She said while she laughed,"Hey why you were so nervous? I won't bite you, i won't do anything, i just ask you." and she also said to my parents, "Do you ever see your daughter being such in nervous?" then we laughed together but seriously it does decrease my level of nervous so i could feel be a bit calm and not as nervous as i was before.
One question that trouble me a bit is when she told me to explain to her what i knew about UK. There were such a lot of things that i wanna say, it was about the red double-decker bus, Harry Potter, The Beatles, Westlife, Shakespeare, Enid Blyton, and those stuffs which i think is so unnecessary and unimportant to be told. So i just told her about the basic that you could find on Wikipedia. And when she said what's the current Prime Minister in UK? And i was like, CRAP! I totally forgot it! When i was study for my first test i had searched about it but now i forgot. I was in silent for a while, trying to figure out what is it. I still remember it's a woman but i don't know how my brain just remember the name 'Hillary Clinton' which i know isn't the correct answer. Because i've been silent for a bit long so i just told her that the last Prime Minister is David Cameron but due to the Brexit thing so he resigned himself and i told her that i forgot the current Prime Minister. I just tried to be honest because maybe it will making a plus point for me, well i'm not sure though. She wrote down something on her paper and i just wish it's not a bad thing.
The rest of interview going on smoothly, nothing that make me worry too much. I was so grateful and happy, i can't explain my feeling that day. After the interview session is over, Miss L explain this studex program in detail to my parents. I tried to calm down myself after the interview is over, it was such mixed feeling between an excitement and proud of myself also a bit of nervous; Still, my nervous can't be vanished. After talk about a moments, Miss L gave my parents a letter that will make sure if i want to go to the studex program, my parents will take responsibilities to my financial there and if i need it or there was something going on, my parents must endure it. Once my parents had signed it, it can't be canceled and their id card would be banned so if they wanna go to UK perhaps they can't.
This studex program isn't free, unfortunately. It costs a lot, to be honest. My parents aren't conglomerate, who could get 100 pounds in one blink. I won't say the number, but seriously it was such a big number, though Miss L said the costs that we should pay have been discounted. It was such a big, huge, massive number that can't be afford by my dad. There were a lot of things that are more important to be paid in our daily life rather than it. It was such a tough day, my feelings were like roller coaster. Nervous, scared, anxious, excited, happy, worry, disappointed, and sad were mixed and became one feeling. I couldn't force my dad to pay it for me though, i'm not that insolent to asked my dad to bear those numbers.
Two days later, my parents got another message said that i PASSED the interview. I was so happy, again. How could i not? I think this is the greatest achievement that i have been passed through the fifteen years of my life. The final interview will be held on May 3rd. But before we enter it, there were some rules that should be done. I should sent the copy of my first semester exams results and the financial agreement letter before. Which means that after i sent them through the e-mail, i officially be in this studex program, because like what i said once it be signed it can't be canceled, my parents should pay for my studex fee if they didn't want their id card got banned. My dad reject it, as i know but i understand because searching for money isn't that easy. I didn't wanna be selfish here, i think that maybe this student exchange isn't that good for me, maybe it could occur something bad for me and because He loved me He didn't let me pass this. Though deep in my heart i wish i could but at least i got a lot of experiences from joining this. I learnt and i experienced something that never happened on me like those nervous and the those tests too, it made me proud of myself because i could pass those situation which is difficult and i could achieve some new things in my life. Because i can't join this studex program, it doesn't mean that i can't study abroad, right? I'm still young, i have a lot of time and i have another chances to study in abroad. I could get a scholarship when i'm in college, who knows? My journey hasn't stopped yet, it just starting now. I just wish i could study abroad some other time in my future. Joining this student exchange program made me, Sarah, who's living her basic life without knowing her purpose in this world has already know what's her dream.
Some of my tips to whoever wants to face a student exchange interview:
Well, this is such a long post. I hope these post will help you! I don't how much words contains in this post but it took me 3 days to finish it (well, actually it's 6 but the other 3 days i didn't write anything). I don't know if there's any of you read this (as always lol), but i hope you won't get bored, plus i'm sorry if i had any typos or grammatical error or those stuffs because i didn't edited this post because my eyes are too sore to check them out. Hehehe.
I wish this post will give you a representation to those who wanna join studex program. There were lots of studex program company, so this post isn't a standard of it, they were various company with various rules too. If any of you had experience such as student exchange program like me, feel free to share it!
It's been such a long time i didn't write in this blog. To be honest i lost my desire to write in this blog and i didn't have something so special or big to be written here because my life is so plain and basic, everything goes so flat until the thing that i wanna share with you right now.
(WARNING: This is such a long post and you will get bored so prepare your food, beverages, pillows and music. Thank you.)
So last March, i still remember it was Thursday. We were studying in one afternoon until some people and my english teacher came to our class. They introduced theirself as the people who provide this student exchange program, by City College Plymouth (CCP). There were two ladies and the one explained us about this studex program which will be held in UK. I don't remember exactly what they said but at the time i was so excited and i really wanted to join this program. Though i know that i won't pass it, but what's the harm to try? She said there will be three tests to complete all of the rules so you can join the program. I wanted to go for the first test, but still i'm not really sure at that time. I tried so persuade my friend to go but they weren't interested since the tests aren't only be held in Medan, but all over the Indonesia which made them like, hopeless maybe? I told my mom immediately when she picked me up and she was like, "Well, that's good though, you can join the test if you want," and i was so happy at that time and believe me, after those people came to my class i happened to imagine myself living in UK and stuffs, you know what i mean, right? Just wondering myself living with my host family, getting new friends, etc and just by imagining it it increases my eagerness to join this program.
Few days after that, me and some of my classmates were chosen to be the part of the program due our score in english's subject are good. I was so happy because i could join this automatically without doing anything. It feels like i was made to join this (yes i know i was too overact). The teacher told us that we will be in training for one week. In that time, there was one young man who teaches us. Day one, he gave us some questions in papers and he gave us one hour to solve all of that and after we done we will discuss it. On the day three he gave us a listening test, he played a recording and we should listen it carefully to answer the questions that were in the paper. Later on, i realized that he taught us how to prepare for IELTS Exam, so i though the first test on the studex program will be an IELTS Exam. My teacher reminded us that the first test will be held in the first week of April. After we finished the training, well i didn't study properly for the test though. Sometimes i did some research about UK but it wasn't that much. Later in one afternoon, on April 5th (wow i still remember it) my another english teacher came to our class and announced that our first test will be held in April 6th, which is TOMORROW. I got so panicked and scared and nervous because i haven't prepared anything properly especially in my listening because i got trouble doing it. I was looking for IELTS listening tests immediately on Youtube on that day, which was so unprepared and trust me it was so hard focusing on what the speaker said because my class was in such a messy situation and i should increased my volume at the highest level so i could hear the speaker clearly.
When i got home, around 7 in the evening i practiced myself by doing the listening tests from Youtube twice, and honestly i impressed with myself because i've done four listening tests in one day lol. I don't know but time has gone too fast so i think it was enough for the listening because i didn't have that much time to do it again (although i wanna do it because i just want everything prepared well) also i haven't study about another topics. For your information, in IELTS exam there will be four tests, there are listening, reading, writing and speaking. I just read my previous questions that the teacher gave during the training week but i just read one paper because if i read all of the paper it will waste my time. Also i googled things about UK, like the independence day, the government, the anthem, the capital city, the regions, you know those common thing. I even tried to memorize the kings and queens but it was too much and i honestly think at the first time that i can't do it though. The point is, i studied throughout the night for each IELTS tests until i get so sleepy and maybe it's almost 11 pm, But still i think i haven't study that well because my knowledges about UK were too basic but, yeah i want to sleep so badly at that time so i stopped myself.
The next day, i was so freaking nervous. And scared. And panic. I really want to passed this test so much and i have never feel myself want something so badly like this. Seriously, those were the one of my most emotional moments though, where all of your emotions being mixed and you seriously don't know what happen. I'm scared that i will not do the test properly. What if the speaker that we use isn't that good so we can''t hear what the speaker said on the listening clearly. What if i run out of time in my reading test. What if i get a complicated topics on my writing. you know such as politics or something heavy. What if i can't answer the question properly in my speaking tests, what if she/he ask me some difficult questions, what if i have no idea what will i say to him/her, what if she/he being so terrifying and cold that give me a tremble so i'm out of words, and the others 'what if' spinning on my brain. My heard beated so fast and seriously i have never been this situation where i getting nervous so badly. The test starts at 9 am but you know, being on time is an impossible thing in Indonesia so we started it maybe around 9.30.
I chose to seat at the front so i can hear the sound on the speaker clearly. My teacher divided us into two class because there are around 46 or else of us. I was in the language's laboratory which made me happy because i prefer this class rather than the consultation class where the other students placed. I tried to calm myself and pray a lot inside my heart. Based on my researched, the IELTS Exam commonly starts with the listening test first, so i confused when the same ladies who came to my class in the first time they explained this gave all of us a questions paper. After that, she explained that there will be three sections on the question's paper. The first sections consist thirty questions and the second sections too. The third section is a writing test, so there were three topics and we chose one of them and made our essay from that with a minimum 200-250 words if i'm not mistaken. They gave us thirty mins or an hour (i forgot pardon me okay) to do the first and second section. So the total questions are sixty and all of them are choice questions. I was so surprised yet so confused because, i though this is an IELTS Exam right? Well i'm grateful though because there will be a bigger chance for me to passed this test. Oh oh, there was an accident ladies and gentlemen. Before the exam starts, Miss L ( the lady who came to our class at the first time but i won't say her name here) told us to fill our choices (A, B, C, D, E) with a pen. When i solve the questions, i simply just crossed my choice in the questions sheets so after i finish all of them i'll transfer it to the answer sheets. When i was done and want to transfer it, i get a bit confused because the instruction that written on the answer sheets is use your pencil to fill the questions. I was so confused seriously and but i'm too scared to ask my friends so i decided to use my pencil. Time goes, and when the time only 5 minutes left the lady said, "Don't forget to fill the question with a pen," and i was like, ARE YOU SERIOUS? I cursed under my breath because i've fill like fifty questions with pencil. I was such in hurry situation i was so panic so i simply just scratch my pen above the pencil without erasing it and it was so messy, i just though 'at least there are the pen scratch in the questions, even though it didn't cover all of the pencil one properly.' Seriously, i felt so dumb and blaming myself for acting so stupid. I was one of the person who gave my paper sheets in the last time so i though, oh my god what if i failed this test because of the stupid action of mine, ugh.
I worried a lot about this because i know i have a big chance to passed this test but, seriously i'm so idiot on that time. What if the computer scanner can't read my answers because it's overwritten improperly? I seriously regretting myself so much until in one Saturday, few weeks later. There was an announcement from the speaker that are available on each class. It said the students who join the student exchange program should all be gathered at the language's laboratory. Me and my friends went to the lab and there was my english teacher. He told us the students who passed the first tests, and thanks God, I PASSED! At first i got so nervous (again) before he show us the document where the name of students who passed or failed being shown in the projector screen, but when i saw my name there i was soooo happy! I was so overjoyed and try to keep calm because i didn't wanna embarrassed myself. Each students who passed being given a letter to give to the parents, and when i got mine i was so grateful. My teacher also said the second tests will be held in the next Thursday (i don't remember exactly the date is) so be prepared, because it will be a group discussion test where all of us being divided into groups and maybe we will be given a topic to be discuss.
Afterwards, on the next Wednesday i think, the students who passed being gathered again on the laboratory and my english teacher told us to be prepared for the next test, which held on the Thursday. I came late so i didn't know the information he said that much but the test will be a group discussion (like i mentioned) and he told us to do search about UK. After i got home, i studied again but i was confused in that time, because i don't know what should i study. I just googled things about UK more specific and i practice my speaking skill (which i think far from the average). I got so nervous again the next day,but i tried to calm myself. Inhaled, exhaled. After we all being gathered on the lab, Miss L and her other friend (i think her name is Miss E but i don't think so) explained to us what's PDVL (the name of this studex program) and CCP (name of school that we are going to go) through the projector. She explained it in detail, well i won't mention it here because it was too many. She told us to listen it carefully because in the group discussion she'll ask it. I (again) being panic and i wrote important things she said in my phone and i was in shaking mode again because i was too afraid what if i don't know all of the things she said when she asked me? She gave us some questions at one point and whoever answer it even it's wrong we'll get a point. I wanted to but seriously i don't know what should i say. The question is, why in the UK the chance to be in the faculty of medicine, dental, and veterinarian are so small? I mean, they only provide some chairs and she said they only provides three or four chairs, i don't know exactly but it was less than five. I was out of my mind and i don't know what should i say, so i just shut myself. Some of my friends answer it and though they were wrong but still Miss L asked them what's their name and the other lady wrote it down on her notes so i think those names will be the one who passed this test. I'm so disappointed with myself for being so stupid but what can i do? I was seriously out of words.
After that session done, the real group discussion getting started. I was in the group one. They were four groups. So, the task is; group one as a school sides, group two as the students, three as the government and the group four as the parents. So Miss L gave a question to be discussed, what are the benefits and disadvantages about the student exchange program toward each sides? I mean, the benefits and disadvantages for the school, for the students, and the other as well. We were given around five mins i think to discuss it and after the time is up, the speaker of each groups will explain the result of the discussion to the others. I didn't know that much the people on my group, i just know their name and i tried not to be a passive there because if yes i won't get the point that much. I tried to be active though my action is useless because i honestly didn't say anything. I was just like, "hmmm","yeah that's good,","well...,", something like that just to include myself into the discussion because i'm nowhere there, they were like discuss it to the people they knew and i don't know them so they don't know me and i was like, out of the group. Besides, i sit a bit far from them so i can't hear them clearly but hey, you're not the one who passed this test, right? I just show my interest as much as i can and respond them though what i said was so unimportant. Well, at least i tried, huh?
When the time is up, Miss L told the students sides to speak up first. They were some rules tho, we should answer the questions (benefits and disadvantages) directly, don't messed out the line and we should make the conclusion after that. We were given two minutes to talk about it. It was a girl and she explained it, bla bla bla, and she messed up a bit and out of words so their other friends demanded another boy who still in the same group and then he stood up. He spoke a bit but he out of words again until the time is up. It was a such a tense situation, though. After that, Miss L told us for the next and these two boys from our group stood up. Well, i was kinda impressed with them because they explained so smoothly and the first speaker talked as he was the actual school's principal because his voice was so heavy, as if he's the real school's principal. The second speaker messed up a bit but it was okay because he could continue it. After they finished it, Miss L said that we haven't claimed our conclusion and also she wasn't satisfied with us and the students side, so she stated that we should repeat it again.
I was like, well, surprised. I thought they were doing a good job but she thought the otherwise so i was scared a little. After that, she said our group so first and we only use one speaker because it's more effective and didn't waste the time. So yeah, our speaker stood up and explained it nicely, and after he done Miss L was like, "yeah, yeah, like that! I like it," and i was kinda proud though it's not me who are the speaker lol. So it goes on after the four groups had stood up. The next session is, we should give the other groups questions, but anyone could ask it. But remember the questions should be relevant about the student exchange program. Also the point is for the one who ask of the one who answer it, not for the group. So it's a individual score.
After a while, the session started. I forget who are the one who gave the question first but seriously, i was so amazed and also disappointed. I was so amazed and impressed to my friends who ask and answer the questions because, their English are so good. I mean, they said it fluently, though some people troubled a bit but still, i was so impressed. Because some of those people are the one who i think aren't that good in English, okay i know i sound so arrogant and i can't deny it though. I thought their English aren't as good as mine but, wow, they just explained it so smoothly and brilliant, and to be honest i can't do that. I was like, oh my god sarah you are nothing to be compared by them. I thought my speaking skills isn't that bad but when i saw them i felt like a tiny dust who flew around them. I am nothing, even i have no courage to stand up there and speak in front of them. I felt so stupid and dumb and idiot to underestimate people who actually is more capable than me. I was a literal fool. It gave me a lesson though, for not being satisfied about yourself because there are plenty people out there who are more than you. I liked to compared myself to others, whether if i was better or worse than them, without noticing it. But this thing has hit me in the head that i shouldn't be such an arrogant who think that i am better than the other people. After i thought it in a while i just realized that i used to do it continuously without me even realized it. This is such a bad trait of mine but i'm happy i've know this so i won't do this anymore. Never, ever, ever.
I shut myself throughout this session. I was too amazed and too dumb to ask a question. I just watched them seriously and still i'm so amazed. I really wanna ask a question but my brain wasn't working well in that time, my brain felt empty because i don't know what should i do. So until this session is over and we could come home, i still feel so dumbfounded. I felt myself i have no emotion at all because after i stepped outside the class i just walked silently with empty mind. I just realized i am such a foolish girl in the world. I came home still in no emotion at all and that night before i sleep, i cried. I cried because how dumb i am and i'm very disappointed to myself because i know i can't passed this test. I realized that i actually isn't that good in speaking English so i can't and i'm not deserved to passed this but, i want. I just really want myself to passed it. After all these years i haven't wanting things these much. I really, really, really, really, really want to passed the test. I don't know how to explain in in words but seriously this is the first time i have ever feel such a hard feeling. You know, when you want something really bad but at the same time you know you can't have it and you feel so devastated. It may seem simple and maybe you think that i'm too overact but this situation is too hard for me. I don't know since when but i just wish myself that i cold passed the tests and go to UK.
Weeks later, i finally calmed down myself and i just gave everything to God. He's the one who arrange everything including my life so i think if i'm not passed the test, maybe it's better for me to not go there and study in the UK it's not my path. Maybe He'll gave me another wonderful thing to do do in my future. Anyway, in the second test Miss L gave each other of us a statement letter where there's a form to be filled by our parents. It should be sent no later than Monday (April 22th, if i'm not mistaken). I've sent mine and few days later, my parents got a message from the PDVL that they were invited to be in an interview on Thursday, April 27th. I was so excited because i still remember Miss L said, if you get a message from us it means that you passed the second test and you'll have to do the third tests which is an interview. So if my parents got the message, it means that i PASSED the test, right? I was in full of joy and i can't help myself for not being too happy. This is such an overwhelming news because i still remember those time were i was so hopeless but thanks God had answer my prays.
I prepared myself for this interview, i was so nervous though, because i will be speaking in front of Miss L (who is the interviewer) and i was so scared i will get into trouble again. I searched on google that the most common thing that usually being asked is telling them about yourself. So i wrote a note in my phone about myself, i describe my family and the other but still it's not satisfied me that much because i'm afraid that i couldn't answer the question. Fyi, i wrote that note on the way i came to the PDVL office where the interview be held, because in that time i was having a daily exam so i have no time to write it the other night. I get so nervous, so scared, so trembled, so anxious, so confused, i don't know how i could explain it but this is the first time i've ever feel such a massive nervous grow inside me. Plus i was terrified that i could come late because our time schedule is on 4.30 pm but we got stuck in traffic jam so we arrived there around 4.35. I know it doesn't make a lot of trouble but i want them to see myself as a good candidate and i don't wanna make myself looking bad by come late in front of them. As i arrived there my nervous got into a new big level which is so stressed and i keep pray to God inside the lift that brought us. After we arrived to the office, a woman there provides us to sit in the sofa. I sat there, feeling so anxious and i keep staring at the note that i wrote on my phone. I was a bit relax after i waited for a couple minutes and got bored because it makes my anxiety fader. At this point i just pray to God that whatever i do next in the room, i wish i won't regret it and i will try my best to answer the questions. I keep pray and pray until my name be called. She led us into a room and during that i was like, "Okay, Sarah, this is it. You should do your best and don't make yourself regret it in the future." I tried to strengthen myself though those feeling still be there. When i came there, Miss L has sat there with her smile and she told me and both of my parents to have a seat. I gave her my smile, and seriously i don't know how to explain what i feel. It was one of the strongest feeling i have ever had. She asked me, "Are you ready?", and with a small smile which i think still can't hide my nervous, i nodded my head.
She started with a question about myself. I tried to explain it slowly, but sure. I was so grateful because i have wrote the note in my phone so i know what should i say to her. When i almost reach the end of my speech, i suddenly forget what should i say. She asked me is there anything that i wanna say again, but because i'm out of words i simply just shake my head.
The interview goes fluently, i was surprised with myself what i could answer her question. Well, it's not that hard though. Although i messed up a bit. In one question, she asked me what's my least favorite subject and i said physics. She said that physics is one of the subject that i'll learn a lot there so how can you handle this? I already have the answer inside my head but i don't know my brain stopped working. My words were disordered and i kept saying the same sentences and i stopped a little longer and finally i could reach my voice again and finished my words. She gave a small smile and i was like, oh my god thank you. She said while she laughed,"Hey why you were so nervous? I won't bite you, i won't do anything, i just ask you." and she also said to my parents, "Do you ever see your daughter being such in nervous?" then we laughed together but seriously it does decrease my level of nervous so i could feel be a bit calm and not as nervous as i was before.
One question that trouble me a bit is when she told me to explain to her what i knew about UK. There were such a lot of things that i wanna say, it was about the red double-decker bus, Harry Potter, The Beatles, Westlife, Shakespeare, Enid Blyton, and those stuffs which i think is so unnecessary and unimportant to be told. So i just told her about the basic that you could find on Wikipedia. And when she said what's the current Prime Minister in UK? And i was like, CRAP! I totally forgot it! When i was study for my first test i had searched about it but now i forgot. I was in silent for a while, trying to figure out what is it. I still remember it's a woman but i don't know how my brain just remember the name 'Hillary Clinton' which i know isn't the correct answer. Because i've been silent for a bit long so i just told her that the last Prime Minister is David Cameron but due to the Brexit thing so he resigned himself and i told her that i forgot the current Prime Minister. I just tried to be honest because maybe it will making a plus point for me, well i'm not sure though. She wrote down something on her paper and i just wish it's not a bad thing.
The rest of interview going on smoothly, nothing that make me worry too much. I was so grateful and happy, i can't explain my feeling that day. After the interview session is over, Miss L explain this studex program in detail to my parents. I tried to calm down myself after the interview is over, it was such mixed feeling between an excitement and proud of myself also a bit of nervous; Still, my nervous can't be vanished. After talk about a moments, Miss L gave my parents a letter that will make sure if i want to go to the studex program, my parents will take responsibilities to my financial there and if i need it or there was something going on, my parents must endure it. Once my parents had signed it, it can't be canceled and their id card would be banned so if they wanna go to UK perhaps they can't.
This studex program isn't free, unfortunately. It costs a lot, to be honest. My parents aren't conglomerate, who could get 100 pounds in one blink. I won't say the number, but seriously it was such a big number, though Miss L said the costs that we should pay have been discounted. It was such a big, huge, massive number that can't be afford by my dad. There were a lot of things that are more important to be paid in our daily life rather than it. It was such a tough day, my feelings were like roller coaster. Nervous, scared, anxious, excited, happy, worry, disappointed, and sad were mixed and became one feeling. I couldn't force my dad to pay it for me though, i'm not that insolent to asked my dad to bear those numbers.
Two days later, my parents got another message said that i PASSED the interview. I was so happy, again. How could i not? I think this is the greatest achievement that i have been passed through the fifteen years of my life. The final interview will be held on May 3rd. But before we enter it, there were some rules that should be done. I should sent the copy of my first semester exams results and the financial agreement letter before. Which means that after i sent them through the e-mail, i officially be in this studex program, because like what i said once it be signed it can't be canceled, my parents should pay for my studex fee if they didn't want their id card got banned. My dad reject it, as i know but i understand because searching for money isn't that easy. I didn't wanna be selfish here, i think that maybe this student exchange isn't that good for me, maybe it could occur something bad for me and because He loved me He didn't let me pass this. Though deep in my heart i wish i could but at least i got a lot of experiences from joining this. I learnt and i experienced something that never happened on me like those nervous and the those tests too, it made me proud of myself because i could pass those situation which is difficult and i could achieve some new things in my life. Because i can't join this studex program, it doesn't mean that i can't study abroad, right? I'm still young, i have a lot of time and i have another chances to study in abroad. I could get a scholarship when i'm in college, who knows? My journey hasn't stopped yet, it just starting now. I just wish i could study abroad some other time in my future. Joining this student exchange program made me, Sarah, who's living her basic life without knowing her purpose in this world has already know what's her dream.
Some of my tips to whoever wants to face a student exchange interview:
- Smiles a lot. I know this is cliche but seriously i think it's the plus point. Make yourself comfortable though you can't. Don't make such a strict expression, though i know you're nervous but don't show it too much. Try to be relax whatever if you actually relaxing yourself or not, smile when you actually know it doesn't make anything change. At least you already did some efforts that show your respects to the interviewer and it will give you the plus points.
- Make a lot of eye contact to the interviewer. Eye contact is so important. Don't look down or look around, because it seems like you're not respecting the people in front of you. But it doesn't mean that you should look at their eyes throughout the interview, just make sure you do it with balance.
- Be honest. If you don't know about something, just say it. Don't create a wrong answer because the interviewer will knows. If you don't know, maybe you can add a little bit of your knowledge towards it though you don't know the main question. Like me, i don't know who's the Prime Minister of UK but i know the previous one so i just said it. But it doesn't mean that you should say, "i don't know," every time he/she asked. You should prepare yourself first, read a lot, increase your knowledges.
- Talks politely. Use a formal words and sentences. If you didn't get what the question is, just asked them to repeat it. If you messed up a bit, don't be panic. If you spelled things wrong, don't worry. It's fine. If you suddenly out of your words or forgot what you wanna said, just finish your sentence like, "Well, maybe that's all i could say," or something like that. My interviewer is a nice woman and when i said it she just smiled. The thing is don't let your sentence be hung out, you should finish it. Plus, cursed is forbidden.
- Be yourself. Be who you are. Shows them who are you, what are you capable of, make them have an interest with you. Make them to put their trust on you. I honestly don't know how but trying to figure it out by yourselves. Everyone has different personality and it's you who know you are.
- Some of questions that maybe were asked; to tell about yourself, your family, your siblings, your hobby, your ambitions, your favorite and least favorite subjects, your interests, your knowledges about the country that you want to go and also about the studex company that you're join to. Plus, tell what's your reasons to be in part of this studex, what's your motivation, why would you go into studex, what's your contribution after you come back to your country. There are lots of those kinds of questions in google, you can searched it by yourself. Though i didn't asked that kind of questions, but just searched it in case you were asked.
Well, this is such a long post. I hope these post will help you! I don't how much words contains in this post but it took me 3 days to finish it (well, actually it's 6 but the other 3 days i didn't write anything). I don't know if there's any of you read this (as always lol), but i hope you won't get bored, plus i'm sorry if i had any typos or grammatical error or those stuffs because i didn't edited this post because my eyes are too sore to check them out. Hehehe.
I wish this post will give you a representation to those who wanna join studex program. There were lots of studex program company, so this post isn't a standard of it, they were various company with various rules too. If any of you had experience such as student exchange program like me, feel free to share it!
